Chapter Text
What have I been? An ally or an enemy? What purpose did I achieve, what was my place, in what direction did I choose to go? Will I ever find inner peace? Maybe I was just trapped in an existence that had no truth to it. Itachi, you were right about my fate, but did you then understand what kind of man you were at the time of your death? I don't know, but maybe it's not true that as a human being I'm worthless at all.
Kisame began to feel light, he no longer needed to breathe, he no longer had any physical needs, the pain of the bitten tongue had disappeared, just as the weakness and fatigue of the battle had disappeared, indeed, in reality, the body did not feel it just more. You could feel the difference, he had always been there, his body, enormous, massive and strong, a mass of muscles ready to spring, but now, this evanescent consistency made his head spin. A dizziness, but he was pleasant, he was floating in extreme bliss, the pain of his soul had also disappeared, the one he had felt for the loss of Itachi and which had crushed him until he stopped breathing. He no longer hurt him but he remembered it very well, he had expressed the desire to take a few days off with an indifferent air, but the truth was that he didn't want to be seen crying by others. He had entered the woods screaming and destroying everything that came to hand by hitting it with Samehada, he was throwing slashes so strong that, for a moment, he even feared he might break the handle of his sword. He had cut through several towering trees with a single blow, shattered giant rocks, dug holes in the ground that looked like shell craters, until he fell to the ground without strength, only then did tears begin to flow from his rounded, silver eyes. . His white leg warmers were still stained red, he had held Itachi's body tightly until he had made that last and absurd request as he breathed his last. He had satisfied him, but even now he wondered what he had had in mind, he hadn't understood. There had been several occasions in which his friend had been totally incomprehensible to him, but by waiting and having that patience that was so difficult for him, he always had the opportunity to verify that Itachi always hit the mark, understanding everything quickly and with precision starting from very few clues. He had always admired his genius, he was perhaps the only one to do so since everyone else could only envy and hate him. He had taken away the necklace and the ring in order to keep them for himself, logically he should have returned at least the ring, however he did not do so. His heartbreaking moans had been heard in the woods until late at night, under a beautiful calm sky dotted with stars, they had slowly died away, leaving room for silent sobs and, subsequently, for a restless sleep full of nightmares. The next day, waking up with a splitting headache, he staggered back to what was left of Akatsuki and was ordered to capture the Eight-Tails. When he left, deep in his heart he already knew how the matter would end, to be honest, he had already decided that his life was over. And now here he was, remembering all these unpleasant facts without them hurting. Samehada wasn't with him but she was starting to understand why, she was still alive, probably grieving for the loss of her even though she had already chosen a new owner. He realized he was on a beautiful beach flooded with sun, he smiled, he was truly in seventh heaven, the sea murmured calmly and serenely, the reflections on the waves were an expanse of sparkling diamonds, light everywhere, he could feel it descending even to the bottom of the sea. soul, on the opposite side of the sandy strip an immense emerald green forest, the coast curved into a gentle inlet. She walked but her feet didn't seem to touch the golden sand. Yet she knew that place, it was familiar, a place where he had been happy. There had been few happy occasions in his life, which is why joy, such a rare event, every time it came she had surprised him so much as to leave an indelible mark in his brain. And this was joy, the real one, which happened when she was alive. A wooden pier in the distance, of course! So was this Paradise? He asked himself, already knowing perfectly what he should have done, could he make you relive the best day of your life over and over again? He had had the impression that the pier was very far away, but all he had to do was wish to be there to find himself in front of its beginning. He placed his right foot on the wooden planks blinded by the glimmer of the sea, he still had a body then, only now it was pure.
He advanced surrounded by the light and the soft muttering of the water, this time he wasn't doing this following an order, he was doing it because he wanted it, he wanted it seriously and ardently. Yes, someone was present, the silhouette appeared black against the light at the end of the pier. Now, however, it wasn't enough to think about getting closer to obtain the desired effect; rather, he felt like he was walking on giant chewing gum and had the impression of never arriving. He didn't matter, he smiled, he was joyful, no one could take anything away from him. Of course, it was Itachi over there, it couldn't have been any other way, he was in the exact same pose as the first time. Small differences were evident, there were no sharks swimming insistently under those boards, the first time he had evoked them himself for fear of some reaction from his new companion, he had decided, in that case, that prudence would not be it was too much. There was no Samehada which he had previously relied on for the same reason. The most obvious difference of all, however, was Itachi. As soon as he sensed him coming he immediately stood up and turned in his direction. It had been a wonderful sight, he was wearing a white kimono that looked like silk, his beautiful hair let down loose like Kisame you had seen on very few occasions, he seemed to give off a brilliant aura himself. His beautiful lips curved into a smile, true, sincere, Kisame had rarely had the pleasure of seeing this ornament on that wonderful face, eternally marked by pain and tiredness. They ran towards each other without hesitation, everything went accordingly, without thinking, they found themselves locked in an embrace. Everything exactly as they remembered, perhaps better, Kisame's smooth skin, his large hands whose size was capable of causing tenderness, his statuesque body always firm and strong, his bare chest as he liked it as he suffered eternally from the heat. The scent of Itachi's hair and its softness, Kisame couldn't stop himself from stroking it. They kissed immersed in the light, since they no longer needed to breathe they realized they could go on forever. Itachi's lips always soft and velvety, Kisame's warm, and plump, as they remembered each other, now completely pain-free, worry-free. They broke away for a moment to look into each other's eyes, Itachi tightened his arms around Kisame's neck, the shark man caressed his face with the back of his large hand, with a disarming delicacy, his mouth which had been so often bent into an asymmetrical grin of defiance to hide her sadness, she now bared her large pearly teeth in authentic lightheartedness. Itachi's black eyes, devoid of that constant undertone of pain, captured Kisame's clear ones with their nocturnal and brilliant charm. They resumed the kiss from where he had left off, time did not exist, Kisame held his companion's slender waist with sweetness. Itachi slowly moved away from his body, slowly grabbing his large hands.
“Sit here with me,” he told him, leading him towards the end of the pier.
The shark man smiled thinking about how it had gone the first time, Itachi had snubbed him accusing him of talking too much and of being there only because he had now become an outlaw with nowhere to go, without mincing words he had explained to him that whoever kills a companion he will never find an honorable death. He had gone away, leaving him there like a stockfish already struck by his gaze and with his heart racing. They sat side by side, Itachi with his legs crossed under the white silk, Kisame letting his large feet go down towards the water, their gazes lost in the blue.
"Now that nothing has the power to hurt us, we can talk about anything we want" Itachi's voice was always the same, calm and persuasive. Kisame could hardly believe his ears, his friend, always so silent and icy, was asking him to speak, how many times had he wanted to do so but had held back for this! Always, on too many occasions, which is why he now felt so radiant about this opportunity he had been waiting for all his life, he decided not to let it slip away.
Our first meeting, in truth, wasn't this, on this pier, I perfectly remember seeing you much earlier. Maybe you, at that moment, were so blinded by pain that you didn't even notice me. Pain had just informed us that a new recruit would be arriving in Akatsuki and ordered us to welcome her. In truth, I was there exclusively because I had been ordered to, it's not that I had all this enthusiasm to see yet another bad guy or criminal join us. I saw it as another problem, a new guy to watch your back. I didn't know who you were or why you were there, at the time the... news hadn't yet reached all ears, including mine. In any case, Samehada was always with me ready for any eventuality, including that occasion. A silhouette was drawn on the door of the room where we were waiting, the sunlight outside was intense and this only made a dark figure. From that moment I could only make out that you were thin and had a sword handle protruding from behind your right shoulder. A swordsman, well, he certainly wouldn't have had enough ardor to challenge me, it would have been a real suicide for him. Pain announced your name, I must admit that I felt a cold shiver run down my spine, I was aware that the Uchiha possessed very special eyes, as I call them, and I still wasn't aware that yours had an edge. The others twisted their mouths, snorted, rolled their pupils and narrowed their gaze, but not me, I was curious, I already knew that you could be interesting, just by seeing your black silhouette. I felt the envy of those present filling the air like a thick jelly, soon it turned into hatred for someone, I felt it around me like electrostatic charges, no one had yet looked at your face and already all these negative feelings jumped out at you as if a stone had been thrown into the midst of a herd of locusts. I felt a little tickle in my stomach, yes, but out of curiosity, that legendary look I wanted to know how it was made. Finally you decided to take a step forward to get out of the gray area. Here is that look, lost in the void, full of pain. I had to hide half my face in my cloak so they wouldn't see that my mouth had opened wide. I wondered how so much affliction was possible, I had never seen such a quantity of it all at once in my existence. I mean, you were little more than a boy then, and yet life had already dealt you so much torment. That's why you were there, you were running away from something, I told myself that that poor boy could have run away from everything except suffering, it would have been glued to him like his shadow. You were assigned Juzo as your partner, the Decapitating Cleaver swordsman grunted in disapproval, you simply nodded and then went to get your new equipment, only I noticed the paleness of your face and the fact that your legs were trembling, despite you you tried to keep your shoulders straight. I looked at your long pigtail, smooth and black, going down the middle of your back, I immediately found your hair enchanting. I lowered my eyes and sighed, you can't understand the disappointment, up until the end I had harbored the hope that I could be your partner, if I had been nominated instead of Juzo, I would have had to make a huge effort not to give in to enthusiasm. That was the last time I saw you in your ANBU uniform, now that I'm here I can confess how much I thought it suited you, you were truly beautiful. Immediately after collecting your things, you locked yourself in the room assigned to you, you didn't come to eat, even some people hadn't even seen you yet even though they knew you were part of the group. Shortly afterwards, passing casually in front of your door, I heard you crying. It was something so heartbreaking that it had the power to instantly split my heart in two, something that had never happened even on that occasion when I was forced to eliminate my companions as a young man. I felt compelled to do something so I gently pushed the door open to enter. Your uniform, which I liked so much, was thrown on the floor without the slightest attention, you were curled up under the covers, only your hair was coming out and spreading on the pillow, I approached slowly and in silence, yes, I must confess that a little 'I was also afraid of your possible reaction, after all it would have been enough for you to look at me. I saw the outline of your body shaken by sobs, without thinking too much I sat on the edge of the bed delicately placing a hand on that trembling bundle.
I stayed still for a while, then I started massaging you slowly, I don't even know what part of your body it was, you looked like a roll, you couldn't calm down, I had the impression that at any moment you might stop breathing. I kissed the little bit of your hair that I could see and then left the room, maybe it was better to let you vent, even now I'm still haunted by the doubt of whether you noticed me or not. You began to wrap yourself in that damn black cloak that was three times too big, hiding your face, the shape of your body, even your hair. Naturally I found out everything, I felt infinitely sorry for you, especially that head that could barely be seen, I wanted to caress it, hold it to my chest, I didn't know how that fragile body, so wrapped up, could handle such pain, I would have done anything everything to soothe him at least a little. Maybe I think I understand why you were hiding so much, you were trying to hide from the sadness itself, or you wanted to keep the outside world away to prevent it from hurting you again.
A tear rolled down Kisame's blue cheeks, running along the small gills under his eyes, Itachi intercepted it with the back of his right index finger, drying it with his graceful hand, he smiled surrounded by the light.
“Why are you crying, Kisame? It can't be pain, it doesn't exist here."
“In fact it is not pain, but love”
“I always knew it, even if I didn't show it” Itachi smiled sweetly, he seemed to give off the glow himself “Just as I always knew that it was you, on the day of my recruitment, who tried to console me, I am aware that I did not I've never thanked you for this, I'm doing it now. ”
Itachi's hand was now stroking the shark man's thick crew cut. Kisame decided to make the most of the opportunity to talk, a need that had remained unsatisfied for so long that it had transformed him into a kind of train running without brakes.
Finally my wish came true, after Juzo's death, you were left without a partner, I couldn't believe my ears when Pain chose me. As I set out to reach you here, where we are now, my soul was a battle of contrasts. The awareness of your special eyes made me decide to take Samehada with me, I admit, a certain amount of fear was present, the fact that I was so fascinated by you did not necessarily imply the opposite, on the other hand being faced with a a big, fat guy like me with a shark-like face cannot inspire tranquility at first glance, any reaction on your part could also have been triggered out of prudence. And then no one yet knew the real reason why you had carried out certain actions, including me. Walking along the wooden planks I decided to summon some real sharks, you never know, they arrived instantly and started swimming under the stilt, they would never have been able to say no to me. I knew very well that my presence had not escaped you, as you had felt that of the predators darting beneath you, but you didn't make the slightest reaction, you didn't lose your composure. I must confess that this attitude of yours has put me in crisis countless times, the most impressive was when Deidara made the decision to go and face Sasuke, you didn't blink, your breathing didn't undergo the slightest alteration, your muscles didn't they shuddered, like a wax statue. I always wondered how you could maintain such self-control. Yet perhaps something in the non-verbal language escaped your will, the way you kept your shoulders hunched that day, and your gaze lost in the horizon, towards the sea, betrayed an extreme fragility that I immediately noticed. I decided to start with the introductions, immediately feeling stupid. The emotion took hold of me taking me by surprise, I still couldn't believe that I had you there a few centimeters away and that from that moment on, we would work together, I would have you by my side every day and for the whole day, my legs they began to tremble. You didn't even spare me a glance, as if I were an evanescent presence for you, I decided to show my understanding since we had had similar experiences, we had been forced to eliminate our companions. Nothing. How many times have I spoken out of turn to manage the embarrassment generated by your silence, it also happened that day, the first, I immediately regretted having explained to you the cannibalistic habits of sharks, I felt my mouth dry and my head spinning, the threshold of fainting it seemed very close to me, I found myself thinking that maybe it would have been better this way, at least it would have stopped the unstoppable flow of nonsense that was coming out of my mouth. Still nothing. Empathy didn't work, neither did nonsense, I absolutely had to find something more sensational. I grabbed Samehada, made her twirl in the air pretending to hit you while I warned you that you should watch out for me, she hadn't managed to impress you either. You stood up with that phlegmatic way of yours and, finally looking at me, you reproached me, stating that I would never find an honorable death, you accused me of being someone who talks too much. You left annoyed, leaving me there with the image of your face still in front of me, so beautiful despite being marked by pain, your eyes had the power to strike me, I don't think I've seen a wonder capable of surpassing them in my entire life , needless to say that my heart seemed to want to break through my chest, perhaps he too is bigger and stronger than normal judging by the blows he was giving me. What an idiot I had been, for sure, by acting like this, I had forever denied myself the possibility of kissing those full and velvety lips and of holding your thin body, yes, because I loved you right away, you don't know how I would have wanted to cradle it. that suffering of yours. Don't think I'm stupid now, but I already thought of you as a little thing to take care of.
Kisame blushed, looking down in embarrassment, Itachi grabbed one of his large hands and placed it in his lap, he smiled while his black eyes shouted: please, continue!
I also admired you, very much, and this generated immense respect in me. I couldn't stand it when I realized that it wasn't like that for others. You will surely remember the day we recruited Deidara, he had such a high level of exuberance that it blinded him. I could understand his young age and that this made him feel authorized to unrestrainedly reel off all the characteristics of his abilities. You have never been like this, even though you were definitely the best of all, you never slipped into arrogance, you never liked being the center of attention, you never put on a show even though you would have had every right to do so, my admiration also came from from this. Sasori began to snort annoyed, stating that in his opinion Deidara was one of those destined to die young, I, rightly, tried to find out more about what he could do and how he could be useful to us, you, as always, analyzed in silence. I couldn't believe my ears when the blond decided to challenge you, I felt my heart almost stop, I wanted to scold him and ask him how he allowed himself, but after the fool I had made on the pier the first day, I decided that perhaps it would have been better to hold a I hold my tongue a little, also because, if others had noticed my feelings towards you, how could it have ended? To tell the truth, the most atrocious doubt was the one you felt towards me, I loved you madly, but what about you? I was afraid of even touching you by mistake at the time, the possibility of your refusal could have killed me. You didn't get upset, as was your habit, you made him promise that if he lost against you he would join Akatsuki and then you made him fall victim to his own move, enveloped by the explosive creature that he wanted to throw at you, of course you didn't let him of evil. At that point I found that the opportunity was favorable to talk without arousing suspicion, I took as an excuse the fact that I wanted to explain to Deidara what had happened to finally let you know how much I admired you. I told him how he had been captured by the Sharingan without him even realizing it, all he had to do was look at you for a moment. He was ecstatic only that he never admitted it, this later led him to be prey to a deep envy towards users of ocular abilities, it was perhaps also this that led him towards his end. Envy can truly be a terrible and destructive beast, but admiration, love and respect cannot, they can only lead to positive things.
