How do I refuse a payment?
Be honest - "it was nothing", "you don't owe me anything", "I did it because you're a friend", "I'm sure you would do the same for me", etc. If they insist, then you could simply suggest a minor alternative - "buy me a beer" or whatever is culturally appropriate.
Avoid being dismissive of their efforts to thank you. Instead of saying, “You didn't have to do that” say something like, “That was so thoughtful of you. Thank you for offering.” Then, you can decide how you want to handle the remainder of the conversation (accepting the gift or not) on a more positive note.
- Thanks for thinking of me. I can't right now/I can't make it/I can't attend.
- I'm at capacity right now, so I will decline. Thanks for understanding.
- No, not at this time.
If they come with strings attached that you aren't willing to accept, then you may say “No, thank you.” Otherwise, you cannot decline gifts or money from others without being rude.
It's best to say something about how you appreciate the offer, but now is not the right time, and you will reach out when the time comes. This allows you to buy time and puts you back in control.
“I just really can't afford it right now, I hope you can understand.” “I've got some big savings goals I'm trying to kick – can we take a raincheck?” “Maybe another time? I'm saving for ___ and it's really important to me – I hope you can understand.”
I would rather not, but I appreciate you asking." "That's not the right choice for you, let's look at this one instead." "I really shouldn't this time, but thank you." "Let me get back to you, but I'm not confident about it working out."
- “Thanks for the invitation, I'm grateful that you thought of me. ...
- “I'm flattered by your interest/offer and I wish you all the best, but no thank you.”
- “Unfortunately, that isn't going to work for me, so it's going to have to be a no.”
- “At this time, I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no to that.”
It is not rude, to accept or not accept, it is just a personal decision. What is the best etiquette when someone gives you money to help you, although you hadn't asked? What do you do when you let them know you will pay them back and they insist on giving you more knowing you're uncomfortable taking money?
Put simply, you should ask for your money back because it's your money. When it comes to money, we are generally cautious when giving it away without something in exchange, but with friends and family, it's different. Although the circ*mstances depend on each situation, the fact is you should ask for your money back.
Why do people turn down money?
As a matter of personal pride, they might feel that to take what you're offering them would be to admit inferiority, inadequacy, dependency, or defeat. And such a reaction could be the case whether you're proposing a financial gift or loan, or concrete assistance with something they're struggling with.
Talk to them and explain carefully and calmly why you have not been able to make your payments on time. Make sure that you are very honest with them, because after all, they trusted you enough to lend you money. Apologise profusely.
- Use gentle language: "That's a bit steep." [1] ...
- Express your concern about the cost: "I'm afraid it's a bit out of my budget at the moment." [2] ...
- Offer an alternative: "Is there a more affordable option available?" [2] ...
- Express appreciation and gratitude:
- I'm running a little low on funds.
- I'm feeling the pinch at the moment.
- I'm temporarily in the red.
- I'm nearly running on empty.
- My resources are a little depleted.
Guilt and resentment often reflect an anxiety around saying no that comes from feeling responsible for the other person's reaction. When you feel guilt and resentment, you have an opportunity to reflect on whether you are fulfilling your responsibilities in saying 'no.
- "Thank you for considering me, but I must respectfully decline." ...
- "I appreciate your interest, but unfortunately, I'm unable to commit at this time." ...
- "I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think it's the right fit for me."
An unethical task
Similar to situations when a given task would likely break the law, refusing a task that you consider unethical, for reasons that can be related to personal choices, religion, values, life situations or other similar contexts, can be a correct career move.
- Know your workload. Before you can decide whether to say yes or no, you need to know your current workload. ...
- Lead with positivity. ...
- Politely and clearly decline. ...
- Explain why. ...
- Offer a different solution. ...
- Be consistent. ...
- Practice empathy.
- Be firm—not defensive or overly apologetic—and polite. This gives the signal that you are sympathetic, but will not easily change your mind if pressured.
- Be clear. If you decide to tell the person you'll get back to them, be matter-of-fact and noncommittal. ...
- Skip excuses.
“I can't, but I know someone who might be interested.” (Provides an alternative.) “I'm not comfortable with that, but I appreciate the offer.” (Honest and polite.) “I can't commit to that right now, but I'll think about it.” (Non-committal but not entirely closed off.)
How do you say no without an explanation?
Remember, you don't have to explain yourself. Others do not have to understand, they just need to accept and respect. When you boldly say NO enough times, you will find that you will not be rejected. You may find that others start to appreciate you more.
If their intent was to offend, let them know how you feel about that. You can say that you feel hurt, surprised, or saddened. If they didn't mean to offend you, you can say that you feel relieved to know that they wouldn't ever intend to cause harm. This can be very useful with someone who values your opinion.
Then, express thankfulness
“I am extremely grateful for your kindness and generosity.” “We are sincerely thankful for your kind gesture and generosity.” “I cannot thank you enough for the thoughtful gift.” “We are so appreciative of your generous gift that means the world to us.”
- "Thank you so much! I really appreciate your offer. I'll definitely keep that in mind if I need any assistance."
- "That's very kind of you. Thank you for your offer. I'll be sure to reach out if I need anything."
- "I'm grateful for your willingness to help. Thank you!
Be Honest And Open
It is crucial you're being honest about why you need the money. After all, asking someone to lend you money assumes a certain level of trust between you. By not being truthful about your reasons, you're breaking their trust. Doing so could mean changing the course of your relationship.
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